Once upon a time,
there was a blue planet by the name of Earth.
On this planet, some six billion people lived together,
for better or for worse,
in war and in love.
But there was also life on another planet.
The creatures there were not as diverse,
for they only knew war,
not love.
So mankind had something
they really wanted...
...namely. Iove.
That is how our story begins.
Yet as with all good stories,
a lot can go wrong.
We have a very special guest with us today,
the author of a bestselling book...
In the studio with me today is sociologist Jesper Osboll.
Welcome to the program, Mr. Osboll.
You have written a book called...
What the devil is that?
Now, according to the book...
That fox has come around again!
Where are you at?
You know I like it nice and quiet around here.
Those are the rules. Is that clear?
I ain't never seen such a flock of scrawny birds in my life!
You lousy chicken shits!
Quiet down, you hear,
or it's a barbeque for you all.
That's right-- yeah, you!
What the fuck was that?
How about that?
Come here.
Come on. That's it.
You write that unlike any other creature,
man has an inherently unequal ability to have...
And this makes us the most powerful creature
in the universe-- the ability to love, to show compassion,
makes us unique. Mr. Osboll,
these are powerful words.
Well, we aren't exactly perfect physical specimens.
I mean, we can't live under water,
we can't fly, we can't run very fast.
We quickly break into a sweat.
We get cold very easily.
However, we are champions of supporting one another
in times of need.
You mean, we possess the ability to love?
We could love each other, yes.
Is that what you describe in your book
as the most powerful force in the universe?
Well, that's perhaps an oversimplification,
but mankind's ability to feel empathy makes us
unique as individuals.
And sir, whom do you love?
Uh, me.
Come on, you look better with short hair, I mean it.
Well, I'd rather have long hair-- it's better.
It looks cool.
You look cute.
I don't want to talk about it.
It's ugly, ugly, ugly.
- Lots of boys my age have long hair. - It's ugly, ugly, ugly.
- It's so cool, cool, cool. - It's ugly, ugly, ugly.
- It's so cool, cool, cool. - You'll be my daughter then.
- Carolatta. - No, mom, my name's Carl.
I like it, and so does dad.
Your dad likes it, huh? What does he know?
He is not exactly up on fashions.
Is this okay?
Is that you?
What's that stink?
Wake up, man. Look at us!
Is that your hair or your clothes?
- You wreak. - He's right, man, you stink like hell.
You smell gross.
Hey, Malthe, Tobias.
Would you like to hear a story?
Once there were two testicles.
The left one was called Tobias.
The right one was called Malthe.
And they were really sad.
Albert, you do know that you're sick.
But they were both homeless.
- Why were they homeless? - Shut the hell up, man.
- They had no prick! - Ha ha, very funny, you spaz.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, children,
could we have a little quiet please?
Good.
Okay, first of all,
I'd really like to introduce you to...
- to, uh... - Rikke.
Rikke.
Rikke will now be in your class.
I hope that every one of you will be nice to her.
Rikke comes from-- from...
- Aalborg. - Aalborg.
- Aalborg? - What?
Aalborg is up north, but of course you knew that.
Rikke has-- she came down here with--
- Mom. - Yeah, I knew that, Rikke.
Anyway, have a seat. I think there's room over there.
Unfortunately, your teacher Miss Jette
has come down with a bad case of Salmonella poisoning
and will be away for several weeks.
But anyway, every cloud has a silver lining.
- But... - So you're going to have a sub.
Did you hear that? A sub!
- Yeah! - But...
- I can assure you that you're fortunate. - But, but...
- Yes, Lotte. - My father is a teacher.
And so is my mother.
They say that when your teacher is sick and you have a substitute,
the substitute has to be just as good of a teacher
as the real teacher or we won't learn as much
as if our teacher was there.
Can you please come to the point?
Yes, sir. I'm asking if she's a real teacher like Miss Jette,
or we won't learn as much because she hasn't had proper teacher training.
No, but listen up.
Ulla has been sent here from the Ministry of Education.
She is looking for a class to represent Denmark
in a very exciting EU project.
You'll be given tests,
and if you do very, very well, then...
the entire class will be taking a trip to Paris.
This is going to be great! I can't believe it!
Anyway...
...all the way up to the top of the Eiffel Tower, man!
Anyway, you can have the rest of the day off.
Aren't you going to give us any homework?
- I think we should use this time-- - Shut your hole, Lotte!
All right, boys and girls, be on your way.
Carl, you're scheduled to see Claus, right?
I hear you're still not getting along
with the people in your class.
Oh?
So you're filled up with hatred?
I understand.
Shall we discuss your mom today?
I had a dream about her last night.
She's lying on the bed,
and so am l.
She reaches out to me...
touches my cheek.
That's good, Carl, very good.
That's when she whispers to me.
What did her voice say?
That she's going to die, and soon.
She wanted me to promise that I would do one thing:
Live. Live.
That's what you heard?
Then I heard this noise,
some kind of flapping,
outside the window.
An angel?
A big white chicken.
Then, splat!
It took a shit right there
in the middle of the window sill.
But in it there was a small face.
A face, huh?
It began to look like you.
A miniature version, with chicken shit
covering your whole head.
And waving.
Then you said...
What did I say, Carl?
"Hello, I'm a psychologist,
and also so stupid
that I'd actually believe anything I hear."
See you next Thursday?
Yeah...
Thursday.
Oh, damn it.
Sorry, kids.
No, dad, it's not as bad as usual.
Some of it's okay.
I'm such a cliche.
What's a cliche?
A stressed out single father who's completely useless.
It'll be okay.
Just going to take a while.
- Papa... - Yes, dear?
Do you hump?
Excuse me?
I guess they don't want to because your cheeks are itchy.
Sofie, we're with the ones we love,
all right?
- And I love your mom. - But...
she's dead and I want a new one,
a mom who I could touch.
Yeah.
Now sit down and eat, okay?
I like girls. Don't all boys?
Well, Sofie, monks don't like girls.
What are monks?
Men who don't want to be with ladies, just like nuns--
Iadies who don't want to be with men.
So you're a monk?
Yeah.
What's up, Carl, had your medication today?
What did psycho Claus have to say-- going to the loony farm?
Better get that straight jacket on, eh, Carl?
Aren't you cold in that t-shirt?
All right, cut the crap, Tobias.
- Just checkin' if the dude's warm. - Albert.
- Not funny, you asshole! - What are you gonna do?
- Come on, get off! - Stop it!
Hello? Hello?
Hello, this is Rikke.
Good day.
So, this is Class 6B.
And would you like to explain what a pricker is?
You wrote this up here?
- So. - So then I'm a pricker, Albert,
is that it? Is that a play on words?
Pricker, not teacher, hmm?
Or is it easier to say prick with those big teeth of yours?
What?
Is it hard to drink?
It was just a joke.
There's nothing like a good laugh.
- Right, Lotte? - Right.
Come up here and fix this.
And don't scratch the floor with your teeth, okay?
6B.
It's certainly odd being up here today
with so many,
so many children who are astonishingly--
so stupid.
I'm not used to being with so many idiots.
- Sole idiots. - What's going on?
Ooh! What's going on?
Well, how about your brains lack
any sign of intellect at all.
You're all just stupid.
Stupid. Stupid.
- Hey, our class was-- - Hand up, Camilla!
- What I wanted to say was-- - Wait until I'm done!
Yes, Camilla, you were saying?
Our marks are higher than the average of a lot of our classmates.
In fact, a lot higher.
Higher than a cockroach?
- Yes? - Uh-huh.
So, now you're Albert Einstein, huh?
- Are you-- Phillip? - Uhh...
- Hey, you-- - Get your hand up, Albert!
- You can't talk like that. - Not until you're called upon.
Yes, Lotte.
I just want to say that I've heard of those surveys
about children who don't learn enough...
but my mom and dad know a lot because they're teachers and they say
- it's completely exaggerated. - Stop. Stop!
Your mouth is like a hamster, little Lotte.
It keeps going around and around in it's treadmill, going nowhere.
Speak less and you'd say fewer silly things.
Albert, go ahead.
I think you're just way too cool.
How sweet of you to say.
I didn't mean that! I think you're so cool.
- I mean-- I mean-- - What's wrong with him?
Well, I think you're cool too, Albert.
6B, before we're through, I promise
you will be the cleverest and most intelligent pupils
in the entire universe.
Everybody. You too, Malthe.
- But we're only in 6th-- - Get your hand up, Rikke.
Yes, Rikke, what is it?
We're only in 6th grade.
And your point is?
Well, we're just a bunch of kids here.
We're not that smart.
I don't know how it is in Aalborg,
but where I come from, we all know everything.
- Everything? - Everything.
Try me.
What's...
634 times...
967?
613,078. Everyone knows that.
- My little brother's name? - Jonas.
Who scored first in the World Cup final in 2002?
Renaldo did.
But idolizing him won't help you unless
you lose some weight, will it, Tobias?
What's 2,622,946
divided by 5,124?
511.89422326.
Mental gymnastics.
- The BMW head designer? - Chris Bengle.
- What's Fleurs de Nuit? - The perfume you steal from your mother.
- Who does Tobias love? - He makes out with you,
but he's in love with Camilla.
He does not!
But you'll never have luck there, Tobias,
because Camilla isn't in love with you.
Camilla is in love with...
Albert? Albert?
What?!
No way!
Silence!
Can you read my thoughts?
Carl...
everyone knows mindreading isn't real.
But in your case, it's not that difficult.
All that's ever been in your thoughts?
Your mom, up in heaven.
So right now, you are forcing yourself
to think of something else entirely, like...
jellybeans?
Thank you, 6B.
I look forward to the challenge of working with you.
Run along!
- Whatever, she's just a substitute. - Not cool.
- She can't do this! - That teeth thing was pretty funny.
Bite me, man.
You know, guys, I have heard those studies about attainment levels.
- We are kind of thick. - She's right, we are a little dumb.
I'm not going on that trip to Paris with her,
or anywhere else for that matter.
Teachers are not allowed to talk like that, I'm sure.
I mean it, it's not right.
That stuff with Carl and his mom.
- Are you just going to take that? - What were you thinking about?
- Hey, Carl-- - This is a list of every single teacher
in the entire country.
No Ulla Harms.
So I checked the Department of Education.
No Ulla Harms.
So then I try the National Registry,
where every single person in the whole country is listed.
No Ulla Harms.
- Can't be right. - What's your point?
Ulla Harms does not exist.
There's no way I'd go.
What?
Just keep quiet?
It's their problem.
If she gets to them, it's not my fault, right?
Dad? No, he's still a little shaky.
But I'm better now.
Sofie? Yeah, she's fine.
- Right, Sofie? - Yeah, I'm fine.
- Can she hear us? - Yeah.
Come to supper, mom!
And my red top has got spots on it.
If you've got time, can you come home and wash it?
And you better tuck me in
because Carl always farts in his sleep, okay?
I can't hear anything.
Carl. Carl.
In here, not there.
Hi, Carl.
- Hi. - Hi.
We just moved in to Number 14.
It was all kind of rush-rush.
The last stuff got here last night, so...
- I'm Maria. - Uh, Jesper.
- So, Rikke is... - And you are...?
This is Sofie.
Hi, Sofie.
You should be careful.
Two on a bike without helmets.
Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right.
The police could be jerks about it.
- I've had several-- - Yeah.
--several fines.
Oh! So you're--
you're one of the--
I mean, you work--
And I saw you on television.
Uh-huh. Yeah, right.
Love makes us unique?
Think so?
Wasn't that your point?
Oh, oh.
It's a rather simple way of putting it,
but altruistic love,
man's ability to empathize,
is a special ability only possessed by humans.
- My dad's a monk. - Is he?
And he doesn't hump with ladies either.
- Hey, hey, come on, now. - Really?
Are you a nun?
I don't think so, Sofie.
So that means you can be my dad's new girlfriend.
Yeah, that's enough, Sofie. Come on, let's go upstairs.
Let's go home, Sofie. Come on.
Dreaming?
No, I just need a glass of water.
So, how's your new teacher?
She's okay.
So it's a she. Ah.
- She pretty? - She's just a sub.
Yeah.
Anyone interesting?
What do you mean?
Nothing.
- Good night, Dad. - Yeah, good night.
Run! Run!
Faster, faster, faster!
Get those knees up, Camilla!
Come on, move it!
And kick your heels, so it hurts!
So you feel it!
Don't stand there, Carl. Join the flock.
Come on! Come on, come on, come on, come on!
Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry!
Run! Go!
And... stop!
There was Alexander,
Achilles, and Caesar!
Let's not forget Mozart.
Stravinsky!
And there was Michelangelo!
And then there were all of you.
Oh, come on.
What a sorry bunch of weak, sweaty
Iittle dumplings.
Do you really think you're all in the same class as Mozart?
Or Caesar? Ha.
Yeah, I doubt it.
You're more like soggy corn flakes.
Today... we'll learn
about the certain thing that--
--that makes mankind...
unique.
Up you go, Carl.
- I can't. - Of course you can.
- I can't. - Carl is scared of heights.
Up the rope now, Carl.
I'll fall off. It's--
You'll fall off? Get it together. I mean it.
Or your friends'll run non-stop till lunch.
Or should I say, till you toss your lunch?
Up you go, Carl. Come on.
Up you go. Move it!
If you could survive a car crash, I'm sure you can survive this as well.
What's wrong with you?
- You can't say that. - Come on!
- Come down, Carl. - very good, Carl.
Man is unique because he has an ability
that no one else in the universe possesses.
Yeah, come on, Carl. Come on!
And with it, despite mankind's enormous lack of brain power,
you are considered one of the strongest
species in the universe.
Come on, Carl.
Imagine, you're on your way to your dead mom up in heaven!
Your dead mother!
She's up there waiting! Do you see her, Carl?
You see her, Carl?
You see her?
Did you see her, Carl?
You can't do this.
You're not really a teacher.
You're a mean witch.
Bravo, Lotte.
Listen closely, I'm teaching you
something very important.
Serious. Okay, now then.
Who knows the answer? What is that ability?
Come on. Look at Carl.
Look at the poor boy.
Look at this pathetic wretch lying there.
What are you feeling right now?
Carl was under pressure, and you all joined together to give him support.
What is this unique ability called?
What is it called?
Why can't one of you pull your head out of your ass and answer me?!
You tried to make us all feel what he felt.
That's why we're unique.
Bravo, Phillip.
Bravo!
That is called "empathy."
So, if one person in your group
is under pressure, then the rest empathize.
Fantastic, Phillip. Super-duper.
Powerful, a-okay plus. very good.
Do you all realize this ability is inherent in no other race?
You don't have the ability.
Boys and girls,
I think you're all fantastic.
And I think you're the finest substitute--
What's wrong with you?
I mean the nastiest.
Tobias, you're nice too.
No, you're the nicest!
No, Tobias, you're the nicest.
Okay, people, all right then, listen up.
Hello? Hello, hello?
Would you please...
Thank you, yes. Well, anyway,
I'd like to welcome you all to this extraordinary...
Ulla has been at the ministry today,
and she'll be a few minutes late.
But I see no reason not to get started.
We-- we're not too--
too terribly happy about this whole situation,
so we've invited Claus who will say a few words.
Claus?
Carl. Carl.
- Hi. - Is it in there?
Why didn't you mention there was a parent's meeting tonight?
- If I didn't run into Maria-- - It's nothing.
Carl. Come on.
Well?
Most kids live in a fantasy.
- What? - What is he talking about?
They're addicted to their personal imaginations,
my friends, and they simply can't get enough.
They spend hours every day
staring at fascinating, fantastic fairy-tale universes
on video games or computer screens.
But when the screens are turned off,
they're once again faced with this:
Real life.
A grey boring Monday,
dull as dirt.
There you have it.
So, what's the solution?
Because in their insatiable need for peril,
excitement,
if they don't like this world,
then they make their own world up.
They morph reality to suit themselves,
no matter how pathologically twisted
their imaginations are.
Of course, don't get me wrong.
I am not saying that your children are insane,
but we have to be very cautious
about believing everything they say,
because children,
children like yours,
can invent...
anything you can imagine.
Thanks for listening. Yeah.
Uh, I'd like to say thank you, Claus.
I trust you all found that to be...
um, actually valuable information--
exception.
Any questions?
I have a question!
- What are we supposed to say-- - She is much too hard on the kids!
And what about Albert and his teeth?
- We feel like we're being-- - Don't ignore us!
Oh, it's the Education Minister.
What's going on?
I'm here to put your minds at ease.
Ulla has praised your children's work ethic to the utmost.
And when she does that, I know they must be special.
Ulla is simply the best.
And your wonderful children are going to show Europe
that our pupils are the best in the world.
Are the best in the world.
You can trust her with your children
as I would trust her with my children
in such a situation.
Thank you so much.
Dear friends...
we're all frightened by...
anything new.
In this case,
it's me who's new.
You see, your children have the enormous potential
to excel, which up until now,
I truly feel they haven't had the chance.
But...
I get awfully upset
when the children nor their parents believe in me.
Believe this.
I am not...
a monster.
I am honest.
And honesty sometimes can hurt a little bit--
especially youngsters.
And I can honestly say,
I love 'em.
I adore their wisdom,
I love their imagination,
and their distrust...
...all their emotions,
for better or for worse...
because after all, that's what it's all about--
the emotions.
That's surely what makes us all unique.
There you have it.
And I'm-- I'm sorry, I just get so upset.
Where were you, Carl?
Ulla? Ulla, um--
She's over here. Yes, over here.
Um, Ulla, I think there's some people
who'd really like to say a few words.
Ulla, things just got off on the wrong foot.
Many of us owe you an apology.
In particular, it's our children
- who really owe you an apology. - It's okay. It's okay.
- Seriously, let's go. - Go apologize.
- Laura! - Say you're sorry.
- Go on. - Sorry.
- Louder! - Sorry!
Now it's your turn, Camilla.
- Stand up straight. - Albert, Albert, Albert.
- Go on, go on. - Sorry.
She's sorry.
Say you're sorry, Phillip. Say you're sorry.
Say you're sorry! Phillip!
I'm sorry.
Carl.
What's going on?
We got problems, Phillip.
The Minister came out of a ball, you said?
Taking anything?
You know when I asked her in class if she could read my thoughts?
Humans can't do that, she said.
Yeah.
Well, jellybeans was right.
That's what you were thinking about?
Yeah.
Humans can't--
fuck!
We got to tell the others.
No.
They'll really think that I'm nuts.
Then why'd you tell me?
Well, you're nuts too.
You're right.
Her bag had these in it?
What are these weird signs?
Let's show 'em to my dad.
He's an expert.
You found this in a corn flakes box?
Well, this is nonsense.
The map as well?
- Let's see. - What is that writing?
That's easy-- it's printed backwards.
See look.
"Jens Peter Hansen's poultry farm."
Ah, what's this?
We don't know where it was taken.
Pretty bizarre, how they're all just standing there.
Mmm.
This is really strange.
very, very strange.
I must admit, it's quite good.
You're both in the picture-- look here.
How'd you do it?
- See you tomorrow. - Yeah, see ya.
There are more than before.
I don't get it.
It's a picture of us that doesn't exist. We were never there.
You're even more of a loon than Carl.
Hey, wait a minute, that's me right there.
- And that's me. - Oh, wow.
Carl, Camilla, Tobias,
Laura, Lotte, and now you.
We're all in the picture.
Ahh! Get a grip, guys.
Anyone can do that with a photo program.
Don't you get it,
he's trying to drive us all nuts!
Come on.
- Hey, Carl. - Hi.
I think we need to talk.
Uh...
you sure you found this in her bag?
- Yeah, why? - Why do you think?
A photo of us, but none of us has ever been there.
Was it you?
- Did you do it? - And why?
- Yeah, really, Carl. - You're sick, dude.
Hey, big deal.
I don't care what you think.
To be honest,
- I don't care what any of you think. - Oh.
Yeah, you're really good at that too.
At what?
At saying "big deal" about everything.
Something is wrong here, but you don't fucking care.
Well, I'm sick, right?
Yeah.
You're about as sick as your dead mother.
My mom's not dead!
Leave him alone, Carl!
- Carl, you can't-- - Get off of him!
- Stop it! - Leave him alone!
Are they broken?
- No, they're okay. - Did it hurt?
- Yeah. - Good.
Why don't you keep your mouth shut once in a while, Tobias?!
Leave him alone!
Yeah? You're the one that should keep her mouth--
- What's that for? - Want another one?
Let's save our energy for her. Come on!
Rikke's right.
Carl, tell the others what you told me.
Carl, seriously,
are you on meds, or what?
- I believe you. - Me too.
Sorry, Carl, I should have believed you.
That's okay.
Let's check out her house.
Phillip found the address.
What number was it?
Number one.
Should we see if she's home?
It's pitch black in there. Do you think she's home?
- Hey, don't! - Are you nuts?!
- What are you doing? - It's locked-- don't worry.
And what if it wasn't locked?
Come on.
Carl.
You can't be serious.
It's way too dangerous, man.
Albert is right for once.
Come on! Let's go.
- We can't stay here. - We're staying.
I better stand guard out here.
- Got your phone with you? - Yeah.
Call Camilla's number if she comes home.
Okay.
What a mess.
This just can't be.
Hey, look at this!
Fuck, man!
That's us in the picture.
And that's your dad.
I don't like it.
It's too dangerous. Albert was right.
Camilla...
Fuck!
Did you hear that?
She's coming!
Shit!
Oh, shit.
Carl!
Carl, come on.
- Hey, Albert. - What's up?
- You got Camilla's number? - Yeah, why?
- Just give it to me! - Relax!
Okay, thanks.
Get in! Come on, come on, come on!
Come on, hurry it up, man!
What the hell were you doing here?
I knew you didn't have a clue, man,
so I came here to save your nosey asses.
She's a...
A monster.
Ulla Harms isn't...
human.
And the Education Minister
came out of this little round--
Look, I know the whole thing sounds kind of crazy,
but I saw it.
The psychologist said they create their reality.
Listen, we all know you had a hard time with Ulla,
but to stand here--
Okay, that's it! No more video or special electronic games.
I say we call the psychologist right now.
I totally agree with you, dear.
May I make a suggestion? It's only 10:15.
We could give a call to Ulla.
Of course. It's the only way.
- Face it head on. - We can just go on over there.
I mean, I guess it looks like it's all settled then.
- I'll call her. - Have you got her number?
Yeah, I got it.
Good, then you'll be able to see for yourselves.
Yeah, yeah, we heard this before, now.
Just 'cause you don't think monster's exist, it doesn't mean--
Listen, you kids, you're going to be sorry when you go over there
and things don't work out the way you say!
I've seen it all a thousand times--
when we go back to the place, everything's going to be clean.
- Hi. - Hi.
A lot of people here.
I look a sight.
Come in! Good to see you. Come in.
So this is where I live.
Oh, wow, look at this place.
- What's happened? - Figures.
See, I told you so.
It wasn't like this before.
This is beautiful!
Told ya. Didn't I tell ya?
I've got a cake in the oven.
I'll go check on it.
Come in! Excuse me.
I didn't look like this before.
- Phillip. - It's like in a movie.
Phillip, it's no movie. It's for real.
That was funny!
I'm sorry, I love pulling people's legs sometimes.
The kids hate me for it.
I think we need a cold beer, or a stiff drink,
a cup of coffee after such a crazy evening!
What can I get you, huh?
- How about a dozen eggs. - What's that, Carl?
Some farm fresh eggs.
Carl...
Carl and his fantasies.
So much is happening to you.
What's happening?
Well, maybe this isn't exactly...
Carl, you're coming out of your shell.
It's great to see.
I'm sorry.
So, what do you feel like?
Do you think that we should tell them?
Now? Yes, why not.
As I told Jesper on the phone,
I've made a decision. We're going to Paris.
Well, that's really super!
- Are you sure? - Of course.
- Great timing. - Terrific. See?
So, you can forget about Paris.
Hold your tongue, young man, do you hear?
- Ulla? - Yeah, what is it?
I don't know what you're planning,
but I know you're one cool hamster.
- Albert. - No, I mean cruel monster.
Cool hamster.
And you are a cool hamster, Albert.
Getting braces for his mouth?
- I won't! - It's done.
I said I'm not going!
- You'll do as you're told. - I'll run away from home.
Oh stop! Don't be foolish.
- lt'll do you good. - Oh yeah?
Yes, of course. It'll be like an adventure.
- Adventure? - Exactly.
It'll give you a chance to step out of your sick little existence.
- Sick existence? - For a lack of words, yes.
Carl.
Come on now.
It wasn't fair what happened.
Mom's not dead, she's just somewhere else.
Yeah, she is. And she won't be coming back.
Carl...
Carl, listen.
We need to move on, both of us.
I'm sure that mom is sitting up there--
you know, looking down upon us.
She's thinking,
"Those two, they should be having fun again.
They're the people I love."
I think we deserve...
to laugh again.
And run around, being silly.
Right?
Know what I did?
No. No.
I bought a white shirt.
A white shirt?
A chalk white shirt.
You're crazy.
It's like a confirmation.
No, no, no, you look great.
What's going on? And where's Sofie?
We're having a guest tonight.
Who is it?
Well, you'll see.
I think I know.
Hi.
- I'm glad you could make it. - I'm glad that you called.
Bring Rikke?
Hi, Carl.
Thanks so much for the invite.
Well, we're just glad that you're here. Cheers. Carl?
Carl.
Is this a little weird,
your father asking your teacher for dinner?
- I don't know. - Maybe it wasn't such a good idea.
No, it was a great idea.
Carl and I are pleased that you wanted to see us.
Right, Carl? Carl, come on.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
Are you planning to invade?
Sorry?
Where's your planet?
Carl! Carl!
It's mine. It rings all the time.
- I'm sorry. - Uhh...
Yeah, I know.
Jesper Osboll.
Carl, Carl, Carl.
Ulla, Ulla, Ulla.
My little Carl.
My little Ulla.
What do you want with my father?
We like each other.
- Ulla? - Huh?
I know you're an alien.
Oh?
Hmm.
Mean one of these?
You all right?
Just some journalist.
They keep calling about my book.
I think we should eat before it gets cold.
Carl, why don't you pass the vegetables.
Carl? Carl, wake up.
Carl.
You look like you've seen a monster.
Then all of a sudden, she was gone,
from one day to the next.
I thought I'd never be human again.
Ulla, have you ever known love?
Jesper, I don't know what it is.
Ahh...
I really doubt that.
Where I come from, it just doesn't exist.
Oh-- oh really?
Well, that's too bad. What about your mother and father?
My mother ate my father.
I'm not surprised to hear that, I'm afraid.
Marriage can be quite consuming.
It's very common. She was, in a sense, hungry,
and she devoured him.
What?
Well, I'm assuming
that she sucked the life right out of him, right?
Yeah, where I come from, that's just what we do.
- Oh? - You find a mate,
have children, then eat him alive.
Goodness...
you've obviously had and interesting upbringing.
That's why I need to learn about love.
- Why? - So we stop destroying each other.
Well, that's why I wrote my book.
So, what am l supposed to do?
Well, you begin to talk...
about your feelings,
and then when--
when your heart begins to...
beat real fast--
You're invincible then?
Invincible?
Ah, you could put it like that.
It's a fairly simple way.
I do believe that love beats all.
- Hi. - Hi, Maria.
I'm sorry. She wouldn't sleep.
- That's okay. - Here you go.
She insisted on sleeping in her own bed.
- Daddy. - I got you now.
Hi, Maria. How's Rikke?
Fine.
- How about a glass of wine? - No, I ought to get back.
You sure you won't have a glass? Join us.
- Here you go. - Thanks.
- Ready for tomorrow? - Yeah.
Hopefully we can get the kids to get on the bus.
Mmm.
- Long drive. - We'll make stops along the way.
Southern Jutland, right?
Southern Jutland, yeah. It's quite lovely.
No, no, please, come on!
Put me down! Put me down! I don't want to go!
Everyone, calm down.
There's no need to act this way.
We understand that this is exceptionally hard
for some of you.
To be quite frank, Ulla is upset.
Do you really want to make her cry?
You realize this is the last you'll ever see of your son.
Take a good look. Don't forget this face.
And for the rest of your lives, you'll be thinking
one single thought,
that we sent our son
to a place where he never came back.
He vanished forever.
But Ulla has found a sensible answer for everyone.
Let me go ahead and have him tell you.
Jesper.
Hello, everyone, please.
I'm Carl's dad, and...
I'm coming along.
I'll provide a reliable link between all of you
and your parents.
I'm sure we'll have a wonderful trip with Ulla.
- Come on. - How about we all climb aboard?
Okay. Keep your jacket closed.
Have a good time, sweetie. It'll be fine.
You might have told me.
The driver called Ulla late last night-- he got Salmonella poisoning.
And I can drive a coach,
so I'm coming.
Wow, you are full of surprises.
# 98 bottles of milk on the wall #
# 98 bottles of milk #
# You take one down, you pass it around #
# 97 bottles of milk on the wall #
# 97 bottles of milk #
# You take one down, you pass it around #
# 96 bottles of milk on the wall #
# 96 bottles of milk... #
#...bottles of milk on the wall #
# 48 bottles of milk #
# You take one down #
# You pass it around #
# 47 bottles of milk on the wall #
# 47 bottles of milk... #
This is it.
Now your dad's in the picture.
# 42 bottles of milk on the wall #
# 42 bottles of milk #
# You take one down #
# You pass it around #
# 41 bottles of milk on the wall... #
Ooh, what a weird place.
Bunk beds-- sends a chill through your spine, huh, Tobias?
Shut the hell up, Malthe!
You shut up! You're all so fucking paranoid.
You know what, you're a pigheaded jerk!
Come on, what do you think's going to happen?
- She'll eat us? - Don't worry, we're out of here tomorrow.
- But where to? - To Paris of course.
Or Gondor!
We won't make it to Paris.
Don't you love traveling?
Ulla, have you found a use for me?
We'll see.
But I have for Jesper.
Just glad to know that I could be of help.
I think we should visit the poultry farm tomorrow.
visit the farm. visit the farm.
They want to show us around the farm,
the people who own the farm.
Good idea.
I have things to prepare.
Sexy.
Okay, here it is:
Ulla Harms is taking us to her planet.
We're her guinea pigs.
I don't get it. Why?
My father wrote a book
about the most powerful force in the universe.
Atomic bomb?
Love.
Hippie Carl, man.
What's with you, falling in love?
Better come see.
What's she doing?
What the fuck is she doing?
- She's preparing. - For what?
To take us away.
Ulla?
What are you doing?
I just thought you'd rather not sleep alone tonight.
Huh?
Ulla, I really think you could use a man.
You're positive you can drive it?
Piece a' cake.
But will the engine make noise?
We'll just push it down the hill.
Come on! Push it!
- Go! - Come on, hurry!
- Come on! - Get on quick!
Come on, get on!
Move, move, move, move, move!
Where's Carl? Hello? Where's Carl?
Get on! Move!
Let's go!
- We're the best, man! - Yeah!
I think you're great, Albert.
Thanks. You're great too.
Come on, Albert, let's hit it!
Albert!
What's the matter?
Albert! Albert!
We left my dad.
He'll be all right.
Albert! Albert!
Fuck!
My dears...
...this bus will never get us...
...where we're going.
Say good-bye to your last day on Earth.
Cut it out, you moron!
Why do want to visit a fucking poultry farm for?
I think it's really interesting.
It's important to know just where-- what you eat comes from.
City kids like us have no idea
where it comes from.
- Shut your hole. - Now we know.
Has anyone seen my computer?
Have you noticed the kids?
- This trip is already helping. - Will you knock it off?!
- Give me a break! - What's your problem?
They're normal again.
It's too bad Claus' wife came down with Salmonella.
I didn't even know he was married. Did you?
Turn in here.
This the poultry farm?
Yeah.
This is where they have thousands of chickens
crammed into those tiny cages?
They're going to have to learn about it someday.
We're here. Let's go!
Ulla...
Ulla.
What's the plan here?
Just go inside.
Come on inside, everyone.
Come on.
Let's go.
Well, okay, kids, you're here to learn,
and this is as good a place as any, I guess.
Maybe. We'll see.
Yeah.
What are you waiting for? Let's go.
Come out into the farmyard, Carl.
We'll be leaving in a moment.
Come on.
What are you doing?!
Where are the others?
I'll shoot you, believe me!
Leave or you're dead, I swear!
Ma.
Carl, my son.
My little angel.
You're not going to leave now.
Just stop! Stop this!
You don't think I believe it!
- What-- why would you-- - You're not my mother!
Why are you saying that?
Because my mom is dead!
Stop right there!
Carl! Carl!
Where are they?
Tell me!
- Carl! - Fuck!
What happened to you guys?
What happened? Get us out of here!
Quiet! Quiet!
The ball. The ball she had.
Yeah, there was a ball-- right over there.
Destroy it. You destroy it and you destroy her too.
Carl, go, go on. Go find it, Carl, hurry!
- Carl. - Stop right there!
- I can't destroy it! - You have to try.
- It's too big! - The grinder.
- What the hell is a grinder? - lt'll crush anything.
Do it, Carl. Go find the grinder
- and crush the ball. - Where is it?
Yeah, you got to go behind the large barn, past the silo.
Quiet! Where is it?
Carl!
Stop!
Don't take another step!
Sorry.
Carl, I'm just--
there I am up in the sky, looking down on you people
who have so much love.
I just want somebody to love me.
That's what this is about, really.
I mean, is that too much to ask?
Seriously, is it, Carl?
I need this for my people.
But everyone-- everyone says no, love, no,
because you come from up there, you can't have happiness like we have.
Please understand!
Please, just try in your heart to understand!
To be loved, that's all I want.
Anyone, anyone, please!
Ulla. Ulla.
- Ulla. - Yeah?
No, it's not working.
- No? - Sorry.
- No? - No.
Okay. No? All right.
Oh, come on.
I could be your mom, Carl.
I could be the one who gets your breakfast ready in the morning,
the one who helps you with your homework,
who says, "Good morning, Carl." "Good morning, ma."
Or Ulla, whichever you prefer, you know,
till you get more familiar with me.
Oops, there's Dad. "Hi, Dad!"
Oh, by the way, I didn't eat him.
Okay, that wasn't funny.
This is serious, serious, serious.
But Carl, picture it.
Snuggling up at night with candles and--
- Ulla. - Huh? What?
You'd make a lousy stepmom.
Dad.
Are you okay?
I'm sorry.
Long hair on you would be nice.
May I kiss you?
I don't think...
Our story ends with a kiss,
because that is just how it is,
despite all the wars
and all the monsters.
All the stories end with two pairs of lips,
meeting to make peace.
That's why the Earth sings,
and why the Earth is ours.
And that is why there is always warmth
on the planet Earth.
# My head is spinning #
# My feet won't serve #
# I got my heart some fever #
# Of the next century #
# The next century #
# In the next century... #
# In the next century. #